March 29, 2023

Margaret Thatcher’s funeral cortege route will be based on conviction, be steadfast and ‘not for turning’, but in reality will turn lots of times depending on where the biggest crowds are. This will reflect consistent populist changes in her policies when she was alive.

Police Commissioner Bernie Smith who is coordinator of the cortege states; ‘ Although the cortege is firmly and resolutely aimed at going down the Strand and will not be turning in any way, shape or form, if there are crowds on the Waterloo bridge, the cortege will veer off that way and we will never again mention the previous planned route. I think this will be a nice metaphor for Thatcher’s policy on the Falkland islands when just after the Task Force set off, government records show her government’s position to be that, ‘the future of the Falklands are probably in a settlement which does not involve either British or Argentine sovereignty but provide for some form of independence or quasi-independence for the islands’, a clear betrayal of the islanders’ aspirations to remain British. Then when she realized the boost in the polls the Falklands venture was creating which conveniently masked her party’s untenable domestic policies, she changed track completely to focus on ensuring the Falklands remained British’ .

‘ I also wouldn’t be surprised if the cortege also does make an unexpected U-turn along the Strand to remind us of the Thatcher government’s policy on South Africa. In 1987 Nelson Mandela was regarded by Thatcher as a leader of a ‘typical terrorist organization’,  then he was welcomed as a close friend in No 10. in 1990 when it was belatedly recognized by the Conservatives which way the political wind was blowing in South Africa and around the world with regards to apartheid and the ANC. Apparently in the rewrite of history her Conservative government’s solitary opposition to sanctions was key in ending apartheid, even though its widely acknowledged that sanctions brought down apartheid. Work that one out and I’ll buy you a pint’.

There are of course a wide range of views on the best metaphors that can be used during the cortege to best reflect Thatcher’s policies.  Professor James Mc Taffert of the Scottish School of Economics states, ‘Although the Conservative policies aimed to increase efficiency in the British economy and to economically liberate the masses, manufacturing output was down 30% in the first 5 years of Conservative rule, efficiency hadn’t increased, in the 80s societal inequality increased by more than a third and child poverty doubled. A transition from production to service industry had been made, rather than following the German model of strengthening production and making it more efficient. Britain’s economic strategy was placing the economy’s future in the hands of bankers and market speculators who basically play gambling games on computers with our money after boozy lunches. It wouldn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out how that strategy would play out.

Selling off all state assets rashly to bribe the electorate did help many people acquire their council houses, but that good has all been undone by those ridiculous graphs that British Gas produce on their bills, showing some nonsense about how little profit they make. They have repeatedly made me so angry I have kicked my cat.

Looking at the cold facts, if it hadn’t been for North Sea oil coming online in a big way and taxed at 90% in the 1980s to provide a slush fund for failed Conservative policies, I think a more appropriate metaphor for Thatcher’s policies would be pushing her coffin on a rowing boat up a shitty stream with no paddle.’

David Cameron is fed up with all of the criticism and negativity around the cost of the state funeral of Thatcher and of her policies; ‘In Venezuela they deemed the funeral of Chavez a celebration, even though he squandered the oil wealth helping the poor of his country and on reclaiming national assets. Well my Latino friends that will be nothing compared to the celebration generated by the funeral of Lady Thatcher’.


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