July 3, 2022

Northern England has sent a letter to Alex Salmond asking if they can please join Scotland in the independence referendum.

Mark a Geordie says, ‘I had to sit on a train for 4 hours the other day listening to a poncey southerner asking her 2-year-old over and over again in a loud posh accent if she wanted a slice of spinach and Stilton quiche. For fook sake. That’s it for me if we can join Scotland in the referendum I’m saying whey aye man’.

Scouser Mick said that he went down south once to watch the football and it was ‘wanker central’. He further justifies the case for joining Scotland, ‘I like Irn Bru, it’s a great hangover cure’.

David Cameron has been advised that if Northern England joins Scotland, there would be an era of probably around 1000 years of Tory rule in Southern England.

David provides his official comment, ‘I think we should keep an open mind regarding this proposition. I haven’t really been to the north much, but I can say that it is cold up there and Scotland is also cold, so they certainly would have something in common. Also when anyone from Scotland or Northern England talks to me, I haven’t a clue what they are saying. They are probably asking me for money for alcohol, so I just smile and walk away. One has to save them from themselves doesn’t one. It’s for their own good.’

Alex Salmond welcomed the letter from the north of England saying ‘I see an interesting football league growing out of this, and I can fully envisage brave Northern English men wearing kilts in winter, joining their women folk who wear mini-skirts when its -5’.

Southern English house wife Valerie Brinklington-Smith shares her opinion on the subject, ‘I’ve never been to the north of England. I have however spent a considerable amount of time in Tuscany in the north of Italy and the Chianti is fabulous. We stayed very close to where the Blairs stay as a matter of fact.

York is in the north of England isn’t it? My niece met the Duke of York at a tennis match, she moves in very high social circles. However she said his hands were roving all over the place and if he wasn’t royalty she would have kicked him where it hurts, the randy bugger. So yes, I think we should let the north go with Scotland. Also I don’t think it produces Chianti, does it?’

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