July 3, 2022

Fox News has claimed Procol Harum or an organization that sounds a bit like them, is growing more brazen in their terrorist attacks in Nigeria and robust action needs to be taken. Republican Senator, Wayne Dwight was quick to respond, ‘ These lefty hippy types, I knew it all along they had Islamist leanings, in Whiter Shades of Pale they talk about vestal virgins for god’s sake, only a soft touch like Obama could have missed that obvious clue to their fanaticism. We should have Guantanamoed their Bach ripping off asses years ago’.

Gary Brooker, keyboard player and vocalist with Procol Harum replies to the accusations by insisting, ‘ We have had nothing to do with the church burning and bombing of district police headquarters in Northern Nigerian states or any Nigerian states for that matter. I was having a picnic with my niece at the time, no sorry nephew, no sorry not a picnic, more of a barbeque, although we did have sandwiches also. Does that make it a picnic?

Look because of long-term marijuana use I’m getting paranoid. You have us mixed up with the Nigerian terrorist organization, Boko Haram. We are Procol Harum, completely different, just the name sounds a bit the same. I don’t think Boko Haram has released any progressive rock albums, at least not to my knowledge, so that should prove our innocence. So please leave us alone. Peace and Love.’

The head of the Nigerian secret service adds his views about the revelation from Fox News, ‘We usually find that there is no smoke without fire. Also can somebody please tell me what a ‘fandango’ is?’

Keith Reid the abstract lyricist with Procol Harum when asked what he thinks of the matter replies, ‘Light fades fast when curvaceous moonlight laughs, so glisten brightly my timid one, glisten brightly’

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