cartwheels accross the shore

By Billy Shears, 180 Degrees News

Fox News has claimed Procal Harum or an organisation that sounds a bit like them, are growing more brazen in their terrorist attacks in Nigeria and robust action needs to be taken. Republican Senator, Wayne Dwight was quick to respond, ‘ These lefty hippy types, I knew it all along they had Islamist leanings, in Whiter Shades of Pale they talk about vestal virgins for god’s sake, only a soft touch like Obama could have missed that obvious clue to their fanaticism. We should have Guantanamoed their Bach ripping off asses years ago’.

The key board player and vocalist with Procal Harum replies to the accusations by insisting, ‘We have had nothing to do with kidnapping girls, church burning and bombing of district police headquarters in Northern Nigerian states, or in any Nigerian states for that matter. I was having a picnic with my niece at the time the girls were kidnapped, no sorry nephew, no sorry not a picnic, more of a barbeque, although we did have sandwiches also. Does that make it a picnic?

Look because of long term marijuana use I’m getting paranoid. You have us mixed up with the Nigerian terrorist organisation, Boko Haram. We are Procal Harum, completely different, just the name sounds a bit the same. I don’t think Boko Haram have released any progressive rock albums, at least not to my knowledge, so that should prove our innocence. So please leave us alone. Peace and love.’

The head of the Nigerian Secret Service has responded to the revelation from Fox News by saying, ‘We usually find there is no smoke without fire, Procal Harum clearly sounds like an affiliate group to me. We would be interested to start extradition proceedings ASAP so that we can apply some rigorous interrogation techniques to extricate what they actually know but are not telling us. As part of my investigation I have been listening to the back catalogue of Procal Harum and have to admit I am positively confused and as a result highly suspicious. Can somebody please tell me what on earth a ‘fandango’ is?

The abstract lyricist with Procal Harum released the following statement in response to the possibility of extradition procedures being instigated by Nigeria; ‘Light fades fast when curvaceous moonlight laughs, so glisten brightly my timid one, glisten brightly’.

5 thoughts on “Procol Harum not to blame for terrorism in northern Nigeria

  1. Procol Harum are Gods…..oh and will you guys come to Portland, Oregon and play? It’s hella boring here…..and all this alternative music sounds the same! Please!


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