Home

Nigella Lawson

By Billy Shears, 180 Degrees News

In response to Jamie Oliver’s best selling book, ‘15 minutes meals’ and to meet the negative publicity about her cocaine use head on, British celebrity cook Nigella Lawson has released a book of recipes that undercuts Jamie’s time for meals by 12 minutes. The book is entitled ‘Cooking on coke, Higella’s 3 minute meals’.

Over the phone I ask Nigella what the secret of her remarkable speed cooking is?

Nigella, ‘Have you ever seen the end of Scarface with Tony Montana and the big pile of coke on the table? Well I make Tony look like a boy scout, ha, ha, ha.

I am actually looking voluptuously at the phone now by the way as I talk to you, as if I want to lick it’

That’s nice to know Nigella. As a non-drug user myself, could you elaborate on how taking drugs actually speeds up the cooking process.

‘Mountains of coke just make your brain work faster, 1 second seems like 10, everything else seems to move in slow motion, except for me. The brain also functions in a more connected way so that a multitude of tasks can be conducted simultaneously. I can beat eggs, flirt at the camera, make pastry, flirt at the camera, get things in the oven and then do a special flirt, a complex seductive hair flick thingy with pursed lips. Even quite complex dishes integrating multiple flirts, I can put together in a few minutes now, but just have to make sure I don’t get my icing sugar and coke mixed up, ha, ha, ha.

This book really will be a fabulous gift for Christmas, when time is short, there are many parties to cook for, and the odd snort or two is needed to keep one in an upbeat frame of mind when engaging in mindless chit chat with boring uncles.

Opps sorry, have to go, just realised I am naked and standing in the garden, looking gorgeous of course, big in all the right places, ha, ha, ha’.

To get the pulse of how members of the wider culinary community feel, I ask Stan Jones who works in Gregs the Bakers, what are his views on Nigella Lawson now after the disclosure of her gargantuan drug habit?

‘I thought I couldn’t fancy that woman any more than I already do, but the thought of a coked up Nigella has been rolling around in my filthy imagination for days now. Even numerous cold showers and wearing uncomfortably tight underwear doesn’t help’.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s