March 29, 2023

The Greek Prime minister Alexis Tsipras has stated ‘After we become Greece Ltd we may look like Greece and sound like Greece and even be in the same geographical space, but just like Rangers Football club PLC and the entirely different Rangers Football Club Ltd, we will be a totally different legal entity and not liable for the debts related to the previous and completely unconnected entity called Greece.

The way I see it with the transformation to Greece Ltd is that it will be a bit like a game of hiding and seek, but where the person Lagarde and Merkel are seeking is not really hiding, but has rather completely transformed into an entirely different object that is in plain view. So no matter how many beds they look under or cupboards they look in, they will not succeed in finding the person that they want to retrieve the debts from, because that person might now have become an animal like a hedgehog, or even an inanimate object like a bowl of fruit on the bedside table.

In the new Greece Ltd, we will continue to live the utopian lifestyle that is the envy of Europe, long lunches with a snooze afterwards, half days when it is hot which is luckily very often, pensions unfeasibly early, tax reminder letters burnt on the barbeque to help us cook shish kebab that is infinitely superior to the Turkish equivalent’.

Super cool if slightly evil-looking biker boy finance minister Yanis Varoufakis adds his opinion, ‘Based on a strong rumour I heard from a Russian biker friend Lagarde and Merkel should urgently investigate if the old Greece may in fact be hiding somewhere in the forests of Siberia, possibly in the boot of a rusty Lada parked in a barn. But wherever old Greece is they are certainly nowhere in the vicinity of Greece Ltd, so perma-tan Lagarde and perma-no sense of humour Merkel should not call us here any longer about debts.

We look forward to beginning with a clean slate and getting fresh credit. We might give Russia and China a go with regards to loans, as the Germans are way too serious. They actually expected the money back. A loan to us is kind of like when you were younger and you work as a waiter in a tourist restaurant and after work you borrow some money from your older British holidaymaker girlfriend so that you can treat her to a nice dinner and some ouzo shots as part of the seduction. But you both know that after lots of imaginative excuses you are not actually going to  pay her back, at least not financially.

So we are very happy that we have reached this solution to follow the model of Glasgow Rangers to get us out of this mess. They have been an inspiration to us. In respect of them we may add some red into the Greece Ltd flag and will change a verse in our national anthem to taunt the Irish about their potato famine. That will also pay the Irish back for being the smug IMF teacher’s pet. ’

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