March 29, 2023

In an exclusive interview on why he conducted a chemical attack on civilians at this stage in the campaign when things seemed to be going his way, President Assad states…
‘ After victory in Aleppo and with the Americans and the Russians starting to see eye to eye, it was all starting to get a bit easy, so I thought I would unleash a chemical attack that served no military or strategic interest of my government but would help ISIS loads. I also knew we would face the inevitable knee-jerk military response from America. Bring it on; that’s what I say.

Remember the last time I was accused of a chemical weapons attack in 2013 was the day that the international weapons inspectors arrived in Damascus. How crazy am I? Launching a chemical attack on the day the weapons inspectors arrive in the city. I’m clearly as mad as a box of frogs for doing that. I’m just that kind of guy that loves to score our own goals when we are winning to help the opposition out.

There are some skeptics out there that say that, just like in Vietnam and Iraq, these incidents are convenient ‘false flag’ operations to create a premise for an attack to further western interests and that jumping to conclusions without an impartial investigation is unwise. Some even suggest that maybe ISIS, which also has Sarin gas, might have had an interest in making it look like my forces deployed it. But look, the rebels often wear white helmets, that is because they are good guys, you know, like in the old cowboy movies when the good guys wore white hats when the audience was patronized by using symbolism to show who the good and bad guys are.

Also, other crazy people like the British Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn suggest that breaking international law by attacking a sovereign state without international agreement and without impartial evidence of who is to blame sets a bad precedent. They say it also shows how easy it is to trick Trump into a knee-jerk reaction before the evidence is clear. You, skeptics, are just plain conspiracy theorists, and anyway, there is no way shady western military intelligence agencies would try to orchestrate mainstream media support for false flag operations; again and again, the public would never fall for it again and again. Fox News, CNN, and BBC are right; believe everything you hear from them. Anyway, I must go and drive my car into a wall; maybe later will drown some kittens on Facebook live, and then finally, I will call up Putin and call him a bear shagger. Yes, I am that crazy; I must be, mustn’t I?’

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