By Billy Shears, 180 Degrees News

It has been confirmed, that although on one hand they neither have to try too hard at being clever or funny to succeed in life and to make friends, on the other hand good looking people are in fact solar powered. Like hedgehogs they have to hibernate during the winter, which explains their disappearance during the darker months and re-emergence during the warm weather to pose a hazard to drivers deprived of eye candy for months.

Stunning Chloe, 23, living in the UK but with an attractive Continental European accent says, ‘I wrap myself up in newspaper and sleep under the stairs in my house from October until early May, then I am moved to the garden to be activated by the sun’s rays. Only on very sunny days can I strut, catwalk like down high street and turn heads, wearing a mini skirt to maximise solar energy passing directly into my body. This is why, of course, you will never see someone like me on a dreary November day on a British high street. I think good looking people must be like powerful light bulbs, we shine brightly, but to compensate, the duration of our exposure must be curtailed to only the most solar charged months.

I do feel quite sad at the end of summer when the sun’s rays lose their power and I have to curl my perfectly toned and tanned body up into a ball again under the stairs and say goodbye to my ugly friends for the winter. But I don’t feel that bad, as they tell me the winter is, in the words of my aesthetically challenged Scottish house mate, ‘a big pile of shite’ in the UK.

During my short awakening each summer when I strut my stuff, men often shout things like ‘F-me, where were you hibernating gorgeous, under a rock?’ and I answer ‘No silly, under the stairs’’.


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